From my journal, dated April 7th 2013
I really have my highs in my lows, and they come fast and often. On the piece of paper I slipped in the pages here [see next post] are some words I wrote late at night during one of my real lows. During my lows I feel anxious, lost, meaningless, and really really lonely. Then I might have a day or two when I’m invited to some events and have fun in class, but the anxiety is never far off.
I had an amazing time on Friday night at the Student union volunteer gala. I wore my short dark blue prom dress and my red flats in which I taped foam so as not to get blisters. Anyways, a solid group of people I knew from the environmental community were there – I would have had a horrible time if I’d been alone. Dinner was great and there was chocolate cake! Then the dance music came on and I surprised myself by not even hesitating before getting up and dancing the night away. It was a blast and at the end of the night we were the last ones on the dance floor. Then we went out for milkshakes 🙂
So, although I’ve been having a disproportionate amount of lows here, I’ve had some good times too. And I do think I’m making some friends (though they are never quite manage to make it to being close friends). Just very slowly. Will I ever get over these growing pains?